12 Days of HOTBLOOD 2013, Day 12: Awaken, My Masters

wham awakening his mastersAs I went back through JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure to try and decide on a moment for this year’s 12 Days of Anime, I found that just about every episode of Battle Tendency contained several scenes just as worthy of The List as any of the moments I had included from other shows. Recognizing a futile endeavor when I see one, I created the 12 Days of HOTBLOOD, to run alongside the regular 12 Days of anime, and I’ll be dedicating half of those days to approximately episodically blogging the 2013 portion of Battle Tendency, two episodes at a time.

Awaken, My Masters!

Having survived their first encounter with Santana, the powerful Man In The Pillar, JoJo and co. travel to Rome to investigate the report that there may be more of these ancient warriors in slumber there.
pillar men doing pillar thingsArriving on the scene, they are greeted by a peerless display of sculpted musculature, as the Pillar Man Wham gracefully springs from his stony prison of 2000 years. With an ominous, chanting BGM and a cry of “AWAKEN, MY MASTERS!”, he summons his fellow Pillar Men from their slumber to assume a group pose so overpoweringly manly that it shimmers in the darkness of the cave.

fabulous freedomAWAKEN, MY MASTERSNot to be outdone, our heroes answer the challenge with among the most iconic of poses in the JoJo franchise.

THE jojo posesAnd through so formidable a display of posturing was begun the great war between humanity and the Pillar Men.

Wham Drops The Bass

Caesar and JoJo take the fight to the Pillar Men, using their superb posing ability and comically enormous back muscles, respectively.

caesar counters sparkles with bubblesa great trick for the grandkidsWham’s response?

divine sandstormThe devastating Divine Sandstorm, an attack so powerful it drops the bass, transforming the very soundtrack of the show into a dubstep-inspired whirlwind of rage.

twirling fists of twirling furythe bass has been dropped

TNT – It’s Dynamite

Desperate as the Pillar Men easily shrug off the power of the Ripple, JoJo puts into action his most reliable backup plan.

step 1 - run away step 2 - play dead step 3 - see step 1When Wham sees through “Plan B: RUN AWAY!”, Plan C involves more traditional means of warfare: namely, a stick of dynamite. AC/DC, however, identifies this new battle plan as a golden opportunity for a music reference.

T-N-TIT'S DYNA-MITE

A Warrior’s Wedding

Out of options, JoJo is left with only one last ditch attempt at survival. The master of trickery tries to sweet-talk his way into being let go.

oh mister jojo ~swoon~love is in the airjojo has got GAMEBoth to his immense relief and immense despair, he manages to successfully woo two of the Pillar Men with his golden tongue, who like him so much they just have to put a ring on him.

a warrior's wedding ring in love with all of his heart the love that grows with every breathIn keeping with the time-tested Pillar Man mating ritual, the rings are filled with poison and will dissolve in one month, meaning that JoJo must, in that time, fight them to the death for the antidote. If this isn’t the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard, I don’t know what to tell you.

wham, the hopeless romanticLet’s be honest, though – JoJo got the better end of the deal here. He’s married now. These butts are HIS.

pillarbutts

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About BokuSatchii

Yoroshiku ne!
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5 Responses to 12 Days of HOTBLOOD 2013, Day 12: Awaken, My Masters

  1. King Crimson says:

    butts/10

  2. gedata says:

    you forgot to mention how Wham fused a bunch of Nazi’s together (by dancing through them of course) and sucked their innards till they turned into empty husks.

    This show

    • BokuSatchii says:

      Since we mostly see the Pillar Men doing battle with robots and Ripple users, it’s easy to forget how hilariously grotesque the results can be when they so much as touch a normal human. This show is really something else.

  3. Ah, the fabulous Pillar Men. Not a boring moment with these guys onscreen. They were certainly quite fabulous even in the manga, but it felt like the anime really went all the way in showing that. Or perhaps it’s simply been too long since I’ve read Battle Tendency?

    • BokuSatchii says:

      Having read Battle Tendency for the first time while Phantom Blood was airing, I can confirm that David Pro took the fabulosity to the FABULOUS MAX with this adaptation. Their use of colors, textures, and sounds really did work wonders on bringing out every last scrap of meat in this delicious ham and cheese sandwich.

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